June 2011
“John Cena, while you lay there, hopefully as you possibly can be, I want you to listen to me. I want you to digest this, because before I leave in three weeks with your WWE Championship, I have A LOT of things I want to get off my chest. I don’t hate you, John. I don’t even dislike you. I DO like you. I like you a HELL of a lot more than I like most people in the back. I hate this “idea” that you’re “the best”. Because you’re not. I’M the best. I’m the best in the WORLD. There’s one thing you’re better at than I am, and that’s kissing Vince McMahon’s ass. You’re as good as kissing Vince’s ass as Hulk Hogan was. I don’t know if you’re as good as Dwayne, though; he’s a pretty good ass-kisser. Always was, and still is. Oops, I’m breaking the fourth wall. I’m the best WRESTLER in the world. I’ve been the best ever since Day 1, when I walked into this company, and I’ve been vilified and hated since that day, because Paul Heyman saw something in me that nobody else wanted to admit. That’s right, I’m a Paul Heyman guy. You know who else was a Paul Heyman guy? BROCK LESNAR. And he split, just like I’m splitting, but the biggest difference between me and Brock is that I’m going to leave with the WWE Championship. I grabbed so many of Vincent K. McMahon’s imaginary brass rings that it’s finally dawned on me that if they’re just that; they’re completely imaginary. The only thing that’s real is ME, and the fact that day-in and day-out, for almost 6 years, I have proved to everybody in the world that I am the BEST ON THIS MICROPHONE, IN THAT RING, EVEN ON COMMENTARY! NOBODY CAN TOUCH ME! And yet, no matter how many times I PROVE it, I’m not on your lovely little Collector Cups. I’m not on the cover of the program. I’m barely promoted. I don’t get to be in movies. I’m certainly not on any crappy show on the USA Network. I’m not on the poster of WrestleMania. I’m not in the signature that’s produced at the start of the show. I’m not on Conan O’ Brien. I’m not on Jimmy Fallon. But the fact of the matter is that I should be, and trust me, this isn’t sour grapes, but the fact that DWAYNE is in the main event of WrestleMania next year and I’m not makes me SICK. Oh, and hey, let me get something straight: Those of you that are cheering me right now, YOU are just the biggest part of me leaving as anything else. Because you are the ones sipping out of those Collector Cups right now. You’re the one that buys those programs that my face isn’t on the cover of. And then at 5 in the morning at the airport, you try to shove it in my face so you can get an autograph, and sell it on eBay because you’re too lazy to go get a real job. I’m leaving with the WWE Championship on July 17th, and hell, who knows? Maybe I’ll go defend it in New Japan Pro Wrestling; maybe I’ll go back to Ring of Honor. Hey Colt Cabana, how you doin’? The reason I’m leaving is you people, because after I’m gone, you’re still gonna pour money into this company. I’m just a spoke on the wheel, the wheel’s gonna keep turning, and I understand that. But Vince McMahon’s gonna to make to spite himself. He’s a millionaire who SHOULD BE A BILLIONAIRE. You know why he’s not a billionaire? It’s because he surrounds himself with glad-handing, nonsensical, Yes-Men like John Laurinaitis, who’s gonna tell him EVERYTHING he wants to hear, and I’d like to think that maybe this company would be better after Vince McMahon’s dead, but the fact is, it’s gonna get taken over by his idiotic daughter and his doofus son-in-law, and the rest of his stupid family. Let me tell you a personal about Vince McMahon, alright? You know we do this whole bully campaign- *mic gets cut off*”
—CM Punk (via thewrestlingedits)
